that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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