I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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