Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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