we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
