In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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