you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
only if we run a train.
done.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
