Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
