You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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