i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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