isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
