Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
