You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
