I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
