we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
