just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
