Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
