Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
