I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
