dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
