Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
