I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
