I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
