Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
