Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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