I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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