i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
