I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
