Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
