How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
