I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
