i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
