please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
