Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
