What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
