Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
