we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
