He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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