why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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