And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
