There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she smelled like a LAN party
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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