she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
