i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
