So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
