Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
