I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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