I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
