his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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