I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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