My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We got so high we made milksteak
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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