brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
