glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
