you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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