I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.