Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.