When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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