I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.