so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.