Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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