it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?