I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
