fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize