I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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