just come out here and I will go home with you...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
