Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
