My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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