I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
