why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
