Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
