Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I am morally bankrupt
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
