Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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