How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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