I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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