i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
