On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
