You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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