If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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