my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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