meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just google imaged poop.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
