help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
