the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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