she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
