Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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