Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drunk is not a location!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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